l fully disclose I hadn’t a clue what sapiosexuality was when I spotted it was an upcoming topic for kink of the week. There literally is a kink to float everyone’s boat so in all honesty to discover that folks found intelligence to their thing didn’t surprise me.
To those who don’t know what it is here is the definition I read when I looked it up.
“Sapiosexuality means that a person is sexually attracted to highly intelligent people, so much so that they consider it to be the most important trait in a partner.”
Ugh is the first thing that popped into my mind when I read it, to be completely honest. I am most definitely not wired that way. Similarly, to how folks find money attractive, I’m not wired that way either. I began to wonder what does one class as intelligence. Does it mean book smart? Do they read a lot? Brill at maths? Able to dissect an animal in a lab or an engine in a garage? All those abilities require intelligence but so does being able to cook and never opening a book, to be able to draw and paint, or to drive a car. Someone who actively searches out someone with higher intelligence would, in my opinion, most likely class themselves in that category too and that oozes arrogance and full of shite to me so it is safe to say, I am not a sapiosexual.
However, common sense and problem-solving are super hot to me. One that I didn’t really know I found hot until I got with my OH. He has the ability to put his hands to almost anything. He is highly creative and his abilities to problem solve honestly do things to me I never knew were possible, things I would never have expected to find hot. I know, I know it most likely stems from a biased perspective but it is hot. I find his mind hot. Does that make me a sapiosexual? I don’t think so because, in all honesty, I didn’t actively search him out and find him attractive because he is smart.
I could equally argue that he hated school and only ever really engaged in anything book related if it was to learn something new and that when we started dating back when the dinosaurs roamed and pre smartphones, that his spelling and grammar is all higgly piggly yet I would definitely class him to be more intelligent than I even though I am very able to spell and punctuate. (I know, I am batting high there but one needs to remain professional after all 😉 )
The thing is while I say I am not a sapiosexual, words really work for me.
“Give me words that make my mind curl before my toes.”— Rachel Wolchin
This quote gives me all the feels and words are what make me tick. Of course, touch and how you look at me do too but honestly, it’s words that will tip me over.
It makes me think back to a few nights ago in bed when we were playing and it was hot, dear reader. My OH has this canny knack of bringing me to the finish line and just before I put a toe over it, he pulls me back a few steps and starts to re-build me back again. He is the ultimate tease but that’s another post. Anyway, I think I was nearly there for about the fourth or maybe fifth time and he started speaking filth to me. Like he really got inside my head and with each word, I was getting wetter and closer. Nothing had changed in what he was actually doing, with how he was touching me but the addition of words, his voice, the tone, and the urgency behind them literally turned me into a mess. He simply said – “come for me, I wanna feel a cummy, wet fanny when I enter you” and a switch was flipped and I instantly came. Like a fifty shades orgasm – ha who knew it was possible 😉 I tease but yanno what I mean.
Sexy texts or whispers in my ear – they all work but essentially to get me off and understand how my body works. You need to first get inside my head. Create fire in my mind. I now realise into my 30s that in all honesty, partners I had before my husband were all set up to fail, which I suppose isn’t very fair but it’s true. Very few of them got past the barrier wall so really they never knew me. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some damn decent sex before my husband but allowing him inside my head, learning how my mind works, and getting to explore BDSM with him has opened far more doors for me and allowed me to experience levels of sexual pleasure I never knew were possible previously.
So to sum up – yes words are sexy, hot, and fire me up. Do you need to read alllll the books, use the biggest words, know neurophysics to bed me? No, you don’t. You do however need to get into my brain to suss me and in all honesty, I really need to find your brain hot too. I just happened to get super lucky with a man that not only is utterly hot AF, he also looks utterly delicious using his head and his hands!
Sadly, I guess the term sapiosexual has been coined out for a reason and such uppity folk exist. Each to their own and whatever floats your boat, but it’s definitely not one for me!
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