“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind” – William Shakespeare
This quote gives me all the feels and suddenly I feel like I am thrown back to the early 2000’s, and 15/16 year old me is staring back.
Older me looks at this quote but teenage me really feels it. While older me understands the words better mostly because I have lived it. I really feel like teenage me can explain it better which in all honesty makes no real sense because at the time I wouldn’t even know I was doing it.
Yanno that sentiment that goes on the lines of – you don’t really know what’s happening until you step outside the box and peek in. Well here I am peeking in and the train wreck teen me looks back. I fell in love pretty hard and deep with my first love. This was before phones, well before I had one anyway so our only way was to write each other letters and exchange them with a quick kiss in the mornings before school. We were childhood sweethearts – the kind the school awed over and in all honesty looking back, I even give myself feels because we really were ‘that cute.’ We were together for over 10 months or so, which as everyone knows is a lifetime at that age but we broke up. It was my fault and I kinda ended up spiraling after that.
I painted the idea in my head of what love was and even more so it was what I had to have. I was love blind. I missed him and I craved what we had and I spent years(yes years) trying to mend my head and wishing I had what we had. Of course, I never got it but teenage me didn’t understand that it was, what it was because it was us and I could never be ‘us’ with anyone else.
It wasn’t until I ended up meeting him about 2 or so years later in a pub and we sat and chatted over a drink that something clicked in my mind and I was able to heal and move on.
It’s at this point of the story I disagree with the quote.
I have been in love 3 times in my life. That time. One in the middle and where I am right now. The rest of the time I thought I was, my head firmly painted those ideas. But those three times, Cupid – I used my eyes and my mind. I needed both to understand, to feel, to see, and distinguish between what is real and what my mind had created. Our minds are wonderful. They trick you into thinking this is what you want, what you think you need.
It is only really when you step back and peek in with your eyes, that your mind can truly understand what it feels and what it really needs.