We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” – Tom Robbins
I’ve done this. I guess sometimes part of me still does this…. Pondering about what is the “perfect love” really is. See the issue is quite similar to having the “perfect body”. From a young age, media drills it into that you need to look like this, this, or this to be “perfect”. Similar to the “perfect love” you see splashed around Instagram feeds of celebrities.
It really has taken over a decade of us being together to realize that all that is utter bullshit and really there is no such thing as the perfect anything. A perfect lover or a perfect love. And yanno what, I am very much ok with that. As someone who is utter squish and I am, it can be hard to believe the love that fairytales portray to be real but it does exist. It may not be a Prince Charming on a powerful steed or a dragon-slaying hero, but love, that powerful is real and it is how you, yourself, perceive what love is. I am such a soft person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I love you, you’ll know. My OH is very much a show’r – I know I am loved because he is constantly showing me. It took me a while to get how he is around emotions and love – I did tell you all I was a ball of squish – but I have learned to understand his way.
Folks are always telling me how cute my husband and I are. We are no way near what the media would class as “perfect”. We don’t have the perfect bodies, the perfect home, and hell even our family dynamic isn’t perfect but I wouldn’t change one tiny bit of it all. Through all those imperfections I can honestly say I love my husband more because he has them. I think I could confidently say he would say the same about me too, though I think he would probably pencil me in for nagging less lol.
I also must say that I don’t necessarily agree with the quote this week either – perfect love to me isn’t something we should actively try to create. I think if you spent your life wanting and needing perfection, you will fail and most likely end up being alone, pushing everyone aside.
Perfect love to me is well just being able to be me and not feeling like I need to be anyone else. I haven’t ever tried to be someone else with my husband. I think a huge chunk of that stems from us being friends first and kinda evolving into something else from there. That charade of “being your best self” on dates was never there and I am super glad because boy can it be hard to ‘behave’. My husband is just him regardless of the situation – I must admit to being quite jealous of his ability to just not care or his ability at hiding his nerves if they are there.
Real love is being able to say “hey, you’re being an asshole” or “nah, I don’t like that top” or “I need space”. It is being you and letting the other person see who you really is. It is farting in bed and laughing telling your OH “you are warming the bed up”(this is very much my OH’s thing and not mine – just putting that out there) and it is making someone a cuppa. It is making them a favourite meal or finding their favourite shirt. It is leaving a towel out for them while they shower and it is telling them they are important to you, that they make you happy. Sometimes in the mix of everything happening in the world we can forget to tell folks how important they are to us.
Real love is that feeling in your belly when you hear their voice or see their face after a long day apart. Real love is many different things and none of those things are perfect. This also reminds me of another quote…
“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect.
Perfection simply doesn’t exist…..
Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”
We fight. We love. We talk. We don’t. We are us and what we have may be very imperfect to an outsider but it is damn close to my definition of perfect.
As a type this, we are both sat in bed, snuggled under the duvet. I have my laptop, he has his. Both focused on two totally different things, but equally together. I have my headphones in listening to my music and he is also listening to music. We stop to converse about what each other is listening to and go back to doing our own things. I enjoy knowing I very much have my own space but he is close by too. I don’t have to try and neither does he.