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Should I keep quiet just because I’m a woman?

posted by LSB October 12, 2020 3 Comments
Should I keep quiet just because I'm a woman?

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” ― Joan Rivers

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“So what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I keep quiet just because I’m a woman
Call me a bitch cause I speak what’s on my mind
Guess it’s easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back suddenly big talker don’t know how to act
So he does what every little boy would do
Makin’ up a few false rumors or two
That for sure is not a man for me, slanderin’ names for popularity
It’s sad you only get your fame through controversy…..

Call me whatever ’cause you words don’t mean a thing
Guess you ain’t even a man enough to handle what I sing
If you look back in history it’s a common double standard os society
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same yet you call her a whore
I don’t understand why it’s OK,
The guy can get away with it the girl gets named

Who have come across a man that don’t respect your worth
Thinkin’ all women should be seen and not heard

Here’s something I just can’t understand
If the guy have three girls then he’s the man
He can even give her some head, or sex her off
But if a girl does the same, she’s a whore
But the tables about to turn

You must talk so big to make up for smaller things
You’re just a little boy
All you do is annoy
You must talk big to make up for smaller things

Who have come across a man that don’t respect your worth
Thinkin’ all women should be seen and not heard
So what do we do girls, shout out loud……”

Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera

Can’t hold us down

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I have cut so much of those lyrics so you aren’t just facing into a wall of text but left the bits I felt most relevant to my post!

That song and in fact most of the entire Stripped album by Christina Aguilera was played on repeat as a teen. Not alone did I, well still do, fancy the pants off her but I looked up to her and loved her no fucks attitude.

When I was growing up if a guy had lots of women, he was cool. In fact, more women wanted him because he had already had so many. I guess it was a case of “Ooh whats he got?” and often the case, it was nothing special and he was usually an asshole! I actually didn’t fall into that trap. I often crushed on the kinda guy that wasn’t your typical “school heart throb”, one that was a bit quieter, and shier and the kind that didn’t like me back and I still wonder why…. Hmmm! Sorry, I am going off on a tangent.

Anyway, like I said I didn’t follow the crowd. I often went for guys that actually weren’t even part of my typical school peer group or from the same area we hung out in. I liked that no one knew them and it kept my business quiet.

I wouldn’t say I slept around. Though, if I did, then really who cares. I am 100% certain my peers thought I did. I did have a few boyfriends in school – none of which I actually slept with. Ever. What a revelation. I bet if you knew me as a teen you would think that I just lied but I haven’t!

I lost my virginity in a not so nice way. When I accepted what had happened I saw sex differently and used it as a weapon almost. I gave no fucks, well I did but more literally, and I had a few “friends with benefits”. It was exactly just that. Sex. Though I will admit one did get to me and my heart got broken.

However, all that said, I know all the names and most of their surnames of all my sexual partners. I am in double figures but nothing to write a memoir about!

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To go back to the quote again – I remember the feeling of people looking at you as if you are a tramp. In fact, I remember my own mother call me one, on more than one occasion. I can still feel that feeling I felt. Dirty. Filth. Shit under your shoe. I was none of these things but teenager me felt disgusted with myself. Shamed for lashing out because inside I hurt.

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I can guarantee there are so many more like me… More women out there that are or have been stigmatized because they enjoy sex. Shamed for wanting pleasure. I still to this day have no idea why it is more acceptable for men to fuck whoever they chose and there is nothing said about them. No one calls them a whore, a tramp or slut. Or what about the guy who doesn’t get the girl? The one that shames her becuase he didn’t get what he wanted? I have been subjected and on that sideof the fence too.

Slut was the word in school that used quite frequently but anyone that had a boyfriend and people knew they were sleeping together. Hell, even back then you could have been in a long-term relationship and folk still tarred you as a slut regardless. It makes me ill thinking back, what assholes kids were? In one way, I am super thankful I am well gone beyond that stage.

Frigid is still used. As of only recently, I was educating my teenagers about the word and not to use it. I simply explained to them that you are all well educated about bi and pan folks (they tell me regularly about the sexuality status of their peers), what about asexual folks? And of course, I got confused faces. I explained that just because someone isn’t into kissing or into wanting to be with someone else doesn’t make them frigid, they might in fact be asexual.

Still regardless of how much I try to educate my children and how much the times have changed. They still lived a world that stigmatizes AFAB and folks who enjoy sex, regardless of their gender.

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One thing has changed though! I don’t hate the words whore or slut anymore. While I still wince when I called a slut, I admit… I am most definitely happy to be called whore, especially when he calls me his whore <3

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I am interested in your thoughts on this? Have you experienced similar? Regardless of your gender – reach out! I wanna know!

Read more of my Quote Quests posts here

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3 Comments

oxyfromsg October 12, 2020 at 7:03 pm

I was very much under the rader as a teenager. The “popular” guys would get all the attention from girls and would be looked on with awe by the other guys.
I was very much a outsider and my dating circle were other outsiders and those not considered cool.
It was this group of people that would be called sluts if anyone heard that they were dating someone, not they guys that were sleeping with a new person every week. I wouldnt want to shame either group but always thought it unfair that just cause your dating one person you get called a slut by someone who is onto a new conquest every week.
As a bi guy i got a little of it but some of the things the girls i knew had to put up with, truely upsetting.

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Alethea Hunt October 14, 2020 at 10:42 pm

I went to a Catholic secondary school and the attitude to sex was very open and there was no name calling as long as there was a relationship in play , I had no idea this was weird until many year later and I really felt I was missing out on something that was a universal experience. I may have acted differently in my 20s if I had access to a wider pool of information, but then again, by then we were in the ladette moment of almost having to be more of boy than the boys…I’m loving this week’s posts to see how things were different for each of us.

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Floss October 15, 2020 at 7:20 am

oh wow, I’d totally forgotten about the word frigid … bleurgh, what a horrid turn of phrase. I remember that being a favourite for certain girls when I was at school, slag was the other choice for the ‘easy’ girls and I often heard the question ‘do you think she’s got a bucket minge?’ I went to an all girls school and there was very little solidarity, just endless bitchiness and lots of judgements. I hope as your teenagers become adults, and further along when my son reaches adulthood, that they find themselves in a world that isn’t so gross when it comes to judgements on this topic x

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