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Sex 101: The Lube Guide

by LSB

So over the last few weeks, I have seen a HUGE increase in my search bar looking for my thoughts on lube. What kind do I use, what lube can I use with toys etc so I thought it’s about time I pen my thoughts.

Ok, first things first – lube is sexy! (Well unless your my husband who hates the feeling of the stuff – funny enough though, he always uses Tenga lube himself when jacking off 🤔🤣). So yeah, lube is sexy and it pisses me off when I see posts or words that suggest you needing to use lube is shameful so if you are one of those people well you got two options right now – continue reading and educate yourself or piss off!

As someone who is naturally wet, lube isn’t a staple for my bedside table, but it is however always nearby if I do need it. I always keep it close regardless of when it is used.

There are times when my body doesn’t wanna cooperate even though I want alllll the sex/toys at that very moment! As a rule, I tend to need lube more when using toys than I do doing partnered sex. Silicone toys drink it so it’s best to lather it on – plus as I mentioned above it’s kinda hot. I dunno about you but when you lathered on the lube, then the cold catches it, makes my bits quiver.

Sorry, I’ve gone off rambling away to myself again.

Water-Based Lube

Ok so the safest lube that is suitable for everything is a water-based lube! It is safe to use during sex – vaginal, oral, and anal, safe with all kinds of sex toys and different materials.

It is safe to use with all kinds of condoms too.

Every naughty drawer should have a decent one and by decent, I don’t mean the freebie that came with a partners’ stroker. While it’s fine for penis users, vulva owners should be very careful with what lube they use! The main reason is the free ones are usually packed with sugar. (I’ll explain about ingredients a little further down) A one-way ticket to visit the devil. Thrush is an evil mofo so really doesn’t need encouragement! 

Also worth noting it can dry out during use so a little spritz of water can help revive it!

I have personal experience with Sliquid and I love it. There are a lot of brands on the market with crap ingredients in them. Sliquid is definitely one of the good ones 🙂

I have tried both Sassy and the natural gel one and I love the feeling of both.

Silicone Lube

The next lube I’d suggest having is silicone-based. Silicone lube is rather awesome. However needs LOTS of care in use because it makes everything extremely slippy.

It lasts so much longer than water-based lube and will need to be washed off with some soapy water to fully remove it.

Silicone lube can be used with wood, metal, ceramic, and glass toys! It is best avoided completely with silicone sex toys! Some silicone toys can be used with silicone lube but I have no experience of which ones that you can so I can’t possibly comment. I have however had the experience of silicone lube eating a silicone toy and yes, that does really happen so be careful.

Silicone lube also doubles up as a latex dresser. It shines up latex so beautifully and if you already have it in, then it saves the pennies. Speaking of saving money, silicone lube (if used in small amounts) also can be used to tame the frizz out of hair and again, yes that does work!

I have personal experience with Uberlube and love it. However, it can be hard to get your hands on it. I have read great things about SLiquid Silver, but don’t have personal experience with it.

Hybrid Lubes

In all honesty, I have never used them. I just know they exist. They are a mix between water based lube and silicone based lube and usually have other emollients blended in with them.

They have the feel of water-based but the longevity of a silicone lube. I would, however, er at the side of caution with this type of lube when using silicone toys as hybrid lube still contains silicone lube regardless of the amount – there is still a possibility it could damage your toy.

The most common name on the market that pop into my head is the SLiquid Silk.

Natural Options (Oil -based)

There are a variety of natural options you can use. Coconut oil seems to be a big one but I have no actual experience of that one.

I have however used The Butters lube, which is an oil-based lube that is packed full of completely natural ingredients. The Butters feel awesome in use and last forverrrr. If you are using body-safe toys, you will have no issues using oil-based lubes. However, if you are using jelly or TPE, oil-based lubes will eat into them as the material is mainly oil-based, to begin with.

Oil-based lube are NOT suitable for use with regular condoms!!

If you plan to want to try natural oil-based lubes and your only method of contraception is condoms then you can use lambskin, non-latex, or nitrile condoms only. I have no personal experience of this so I cannot confirm nor deny. I am simply getting this information directly from The Butters website here.

3,672 Coconut Oil Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images ...
The Butters Hygienics Co - Lube (2).jpg

Powered Lubes

I have no personal experience with these. Damn, until 24 hours ago I didn’t know such a thing existed. The idea is you buy a bottle of powered product and you hydrate what you need.

The most common version of this is ‘X Lube’, which mainly seems to be stocked on Amazon. According to the X Lube website, it does need to be stored in the fridge once made up and you are best off using bottled water or pre-boiled, semi cooled water to make up what you need. They say the reason for this is the product doesn’t like chlorine, so using pre-boiled water gets rid of any free chlorine.

I plan to actually get a bottle of this and review it myself so will update accordinly when I have personal experience with it. I must admit – I am rather intrigued. The website claims it isn’t made frm nasty ingredients either, but I can seem to find a direct ingredients list. Anyway, I shall update this when I know.

Nasty ingredients to watch out for in your lube.


There are so many lubes on the market. Like I mean loadsssss!! The saying ‘ you get what you pay for’ is quite relevant here because usually the cheaper lubes or the ones that come free with toys are the very ones you need to avoid, especially if you are a vulva owner.

My husband loves the Tenga lubes. I know I started this post saying he doesn’t like lube and that still stands, as an overall rule he isn’t keen on the feel, or the texture. However, Tenga lube is an exception. This works well for him but if we plan on having actual intercourse afterward/during then, he has two options… wash it all off before entering me or using any of the above mentioned lubes instead.

I won’t and haven’t ever allowed him inside me with any of the lube on him. I even ask him to pee in case any lube has escaped down there too. Tenga lube is full of glycerin. Sugar. Devil food. And you can guarantee a thrush infection with it! NOPE! So that is the first one!

Numbing Agents – Benzocaine and Lidocaine

Numbing agents are found in lots of lube and are basically marketed towards anal sex, fisting, delay sprays, and throat numbing sprays. Benzocaine, is the common culprit for lube and Lidocaine, in numbing sprays. Both ingredients can be found in all the products mentioned, sometimes one or other or both at the same time.. They are actually local anesthetics – no different than the cream you put on a cut.

The issue with these isn’t the ingredient as such though as I am sure you can imagine they are still open to causing irritation on delicate regions… but no the main reason to worry about these is – sex shouldn’t hurt.

Sex shouldn’t hurt!!

The worst thing about these numbing lubes is they do the job while you are using them – while the chances are your body is screaming Ouch!! and you can’t hear it. It is only when the sensation wears off and you suffer the consequences. The best method to work slowly towards is whatever you are doing, especially if it is the first time! Slow and steady wins the race!!


Saying above ‘sex shouldn’t hurt’ reminds me of the time we first used a tingling lube was about maybe 12 years or so. I will name and shame because it was bloody horrific. It was Durex Play Tingle, in the greeny bottle. And it felt like I was actually burning.

Someone mentioned they included tingled lubes in their list and I guess it is definitely one to be wary of.

The best advice really is to start with tiny amounts and test and see what works best for you. Definitely don’t just lash it on.

Perfume/ Fragrances

I don’t need to elaborate much on this one but you are better off opting for fragrance-free products. Fragranced products are known for being irritants!

There are so many products on the market, mainly not lube I’ll admit but while I am mentioning all of the rest why not mention these too, targeted specifically at vulva owners… Again, you know your own body. Chances are if it doesn’t smell right, a trip to the GP is needed rather than hiding it.

Parabens and Phthalates

Parabens are commonly used as preservatives in cosmetic and pharmaceutical products.

These basically help the product keep itself shelf life. However, there are questions out there they can act like estrogen, and mess with hormones in the body, so as a rule, most people prefer to stay away from them.

Phthalates are chemicals used in plastics to make them more flexible and harder to break.

These usually don’t turn up in lube (maybe in the bottle its in) but they are super common in sex toys. If you are usually jelly, plastic, vinyl, rubber or just damn cheap nasty toys, there is a good chance they are in there.

They were banned in kids’ toys – why? Kids put things in their mouth! Now, why would you wanna put a sex toy made of this crap inside your body!


Sliquid or The Butters is definitely the way forward <3


Check out more of my Sex 101 series here


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Post contains some affiliate links.

Images used belong to the mentioned company.

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Storm August 20, 2020 - 4:49 pm

Sliquid silk is the only one I use but I’ve considered try coconut oil. Thanks, I didn’t know if it was safe with toys or not. Glad to hear that it is. Numbing stuff worries me for people. Pain is the bodies way of saying stop what you are doing before we get hurt!

I do like the idea of something thicker that won’t run off of the toy.

Collaredmichael August 20, 2020 - 6:42 pm

This is a great post. I learned something reading it. I always buy high quality lube and check out the ingredients first. My Queen is sensitive and many lubes sting when they touch her. So I try to get lubes that are considered sensitive and don’t have a lot of chemicals. But I didn’t know that about glycerin. As it would happen the lubes I have purchased over the past few years are glycerin free—but that was more of a happy accident!

John Brownstone August 20, 2020 - 10:24 pm

Some really great and interesting information on lubes, I learned a few things from your post. I’m a big fan of The Butters. Like your OH I have never been a fan of the way most lubes feel before, during or after (especially after). When I found The Butters I was in heaven and haven’t looked back.

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