“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel, or not feel.
Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them.
That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”
~ Jim Morrison
My beautiful OH chose the quote this week and it stirs up all sorts of thoughts for me!
Reflecting back through the friendships I have had throughout the years, I guess the biggest hit was when my husband and I got together first, which given how old I am and how long we are together isn’t starting back that far. But it is the biggest hit and hurt I have experienced so other friendships that have come and gone before or after that time these seem quite insignificant in comparison.
A bit of history to explain – my husband and I were friends before we got together, maybe 2 years or so. I was in a relationship at the time. A shitty one, but still in a relationship none the less. These ‘friends’ would always tell me – ‘ you should be with him. Ye click. There is chemistry there.’ The usual blah you hear. I ended the relationship I was in, not because of wanting to get my husband but because I needed to end that relationship.
One thing lead to another and our friendship extended. It all moved pretty quickly and within a few months, we had moved in together. I guess if you know, you know. The only people that should be concerned by our relationship was us. However, that sadly was not the case. These ‘friends’ all crumbled and I was left wondering what the fuck?
The ones that claimed we should be together were the very people now ignoring my calls. Feeding the bullshit chitter-chatter around the place and basically pretending I didn’t exist. That the nights out together didn’t happen, that me… yanno what I don’t need to type it all out because it isn’t important anymore…
Basically letting me, be me went out the window and so did I our friendships because they didn’t approve of my choices. Yes, friendships… Many friendships and connections just went poof. Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense to us either!
We have proved every single one of you fuckers wrong. Nearly 14 years later.
“Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them.”
What is real love?
I have never needed to try with my OH… Like yanno when you have been out with someone and you try to impress them and all that jazz… I dunno with my OH, I have always just felt comfortable. Of course, I have made special efforts for dates, dressed up, bought something new, got the butterflies. The thing is I still get those. Even after all this time. My belly is full of butterflies for him and I always say when I lose those, then I’ll worry!
I miss him when he is at work. It makes me happy when my phone pings and it’s him. I watch him walk around the room after a shower, still wanting him.
He has always accepted me for who I am. I have never needed to try to be someone else. He makes me happy when I am sad, he calls me out when I am being an asshole, he minds me when I am sick. He always has my back and will take on whoever to protect me. He is a wonderful dad to our children and a wonderful husband to me.
More importantly, though, he is my best friend.
Letting me, be me…..
He isn’t an “I love you” kinda guy. He is “I’ll show you I love you” kinda guy. It took me a few years to understand that, I admit. I am a bull in china shop, all or nothing kinda gal. I am not sure why but I need to feel love through physical contact more and I doubt that will ever change. I need touch, I need skin and kisses, his touch. I don’t even need the words.
I’m getting there though. I understand we are different in some ways than others. I have accepted who he is and I am pretty certain him, me.
“….That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is”