“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~ Sylvia Plath
Yanno it feels rather ironic sitting here typing a post about self-doubt for a meme that very nearly didn’t exist because of my self-doubt.
I have struggled with self-doubt my entire life. It really doesn’t make a damn difference what exactly the context because if I can worry and overthink it, then you can be certain I’ll self-doubt it about too. It is how I am built and now, I understand this. So I no longer want to change who I am, I change why and how instead.
I make it no lie on here that I am far from a uni educated writer. My feed is full to the brim of journalists, writers, educated folks who are just bloody incredible at what they do. That is why they are in my feed in the first place – I love to read their work, I love to be inspired and live vicariously through their words and learn from them. I don’t have a college degree in words – damn, I wish I did but in all honesty, I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t admit I wasn’t so keen on English at school. I was a maths and science geek and still to this day, I love both. However, I did love books. I do love books. Most definitely as I am learning as an adult, not the books most English subject loving students will read, but that’s ok. I am still broadening my library – you see I want to learn.
Funny enough, I am now questioning why I feel the need to go off on a ramble about school and writing and blah!
Anyway, I wrote it – it is staying so sorry dear reader, you have to put up with it LOL.
So at the ripe old age of 34, I have started to suss my triggers and I know when to stop feeding it. That ugly monster that lives in my head. The biggest one – put my phone down! Remember above, I mentioned all about all those lovely folks I read about – they can be triggering. It is hard when you want to do this or that, want that happen, do this thing and nothing is working. The image isn’t right, the words don’t sit right or worse still won’t even appear in the first place. Then add in a timeline full of new pieces, stunning images, and yeah, the worse I feel.
It doesn’t have to be here. I do it in everyday life too. Those events I can’t speak about but overall, all you need to know is self-doubt is crippling. And, more importantly, it will cripple you, if you let it, so I don’t!
I take time out – a hot shower, a glass of wine, loud music, or sometimes I just open a blank page on my laptop and write. Words I didn’t know that I needed to say spill out. It all helps. It isn’t foolproof. I have bad days. I have found taking part in memes has really helped me. I did EveryDamnDayInJune and only missed maybe 4/5 days. And readers, I wrote more words that month than I ever have.
The thing about creating Quote Quest is I feel like I have to take part because I created it. It encourages me to write because I am submitting the post to me. I always felt like in the past taking part in other memes was putting my words up for judgement and while that still happens – somehow I have quietened that inner bitch that tries to smother my creativity.
I knew subconsciously when I picked this quote I would have to admit these words though I really didn’t expect the post to come out like this.