I have been approached before to write my thoughts on this and I refused, for several reasons. One I am not a swinger, I am not married to someone who is or even was and I feel as if my thoughts wouldn’t be valid on the topic. That being said I am part of a community that all lead a very varied diet of sexual paths – I just knew I would manage to get the information I needed to pen my thoughts on it.
Also as I get older and continually keep sliding down the road of gayness – I realize there will be a time where I will eventually need to share my husband in order to be able to satisfy my own needs. That being said, I am quite further away from that finish line than I originally thought. I am rather vocal and have no issues bringing up conversations to voice my thoughts. When I mentioned about this article, my lovely (read arsehole) of a husband decided it was the best time to describe in detail, him with another woman and to be honest, I was fine until he spoke about penetrating her and particularly her enjoying his length and I started to twitch! So yeah, I am not as close as I thought.
I guess my wants would be satisfied in a threesome or just me and her so I didn’t have to share. I’m greedy – but I have never claimed to be anything else *halo face here*.
So to help me figure out if I ever want to go down the road of swinging – I figured it would be better to reach out in the community and ask.
But first What is Swinging?
Swinging is a couple (usually) that engage in sexual activities with other like-minded couples. It is another form of being in an open relationship. You decide your own boundaries within your own unit and consensually and with permission, you engage with other couples. Often couples will join dating sites or even sites specifically for swinger couples to find like-minded folks to hook up with.
Why do people do it?
I think it adds another dimension to a relationship but I feel personally it could equally be dangerous for a relationship too. To satisfy my own curiosity I reached out on Twitter and asked folks who have or are dabbling in swinging to tell me about it. Most folks actually had similar replies which was summed up nicely by The Keeper – “I wanted to explore new sexual ideas with like-minded individuals and not rely on the lottery of finding someone who may or may not be the right kind of kinky in the vanilla dating world.”
“We’ve explored far more than we ever would have done alone. I’ve discovered I have a voyeuristic streak” – ff tells us not alone have they discovered things together but also about herself too.
“We learnt to be more open with each other became more confident with our bodies and desires.” ~ Anon
The idea of being able to have sexual relations with other people while still being able to come back to my partner with no judgment or jealousy. ~ Haplo
Tips for Swinging
I also asked them to give me their tips for swinging too because as I have mentioned above – I haven’t previously swung. The main reply to come back from all the people who answered my questions was Communication. I myself wrote about the importance of communication in a BDSM relationship but the realism is communication is essential in any relationship.
They all said set rules/boundaries and know what each other is wanting before you play/try. Be honest with your partner and set your limits. Take baby steps and learn what each other is wanting out of the experience.
“If your first time doesn’t go too well, think about, and discuss, WHY it didn’t go well – it might have been that particular club on that particular night. Or it might just be that swinging is not for you, or for your partner – but discuss it rather than making assumptions.”- Jak Jane Keir
“don’t feel pressured to participate in something you don’t want to or are uncomfortable with.” -Haplo
“There is no place for jealousy in swinging. If you can’t handle your partner getting more attention than you or can’t handle your partner enjoying sex with someone else then swinging is not for you.” ~anon
The jealousy reply struck a chord with me – and it is really why I can’t see swinging being on the cards for us anytime soon. Though I am unsure if jealously is the correct word – maybe it is? I just feel my feelings stem deeper than that. What I have my husband is ours, we built that connection over many years together. A lot of what we have done together, I haven’t with anyone else. In some ways, I feel if there was never anyone else before him – yeah I know that probably sounds rather childish and stupid in a way, but for me – that is how I feel. Right now, I am not ready to let someone else in.
“In my first relationship, it ruined it but that is because my partner seemed to spend all his time online looking and not involve me and less time with me. It became that we needed it to spice things up. He would just announce that he had found a couple and we were to go off and meet them. I went about it the completely wrong way. Our relationship was failing and I thought this would help. ” – Anon
Would you recommend a club or not?
Overall all people I asked said clubs were a great place to start – you could go and watch to see how others play. Meet new people and just have no strings sex. However, most said they actually prefer chatting and getting to know someone first as the sex was better.
I was intrigued about the sexual health aspect of Swinging – I wanted to know how people protect themselves. Did they just take the other couples’ word for it?
Overall you need to protect yourself and use protection. Most said while they ask and most couples provided the information – there is also a chance they could have caught something the meantime so it is still important to wear protection regardless.
“Sexual health is in your hands. You’d be a fool not to use protection. Never take someone’s word for it.”~ Anon
Overall I feel I learned more from actual genuine feedback from others that I have read online. Most articles seem to be promoting clubs etc so you don’t really get a full understanding from it. I have learned that right now, it isn’t for either of us. My OH feels similar to my thoughts. However, we are constantly evolving as a couple so who knows if I could be writing a completely different post in a few years’ time.
This post was sponsored by SwingTowns – this, however, does not change my thoughts which will forever be my own.