Home Posts BDSM Diaries: To Switch or not to Switch? #1

BDSM Diaries: To Switch or not to Switch? #1

by LSB

Switching. Well it’s part of my name – LittleSwitchBitch – you’d think it comes easy, wouldn’t you?

 

Well, if you did – you’d be wrong. Put me in front of someone I have no connection with, other than the connection I’m about to make via a paddle or a crop and I am about as evil as you want. Throw love or even lust in there and it’s a completely different ball game.


This post is a long time appearing mainly because I was scared to post another. I wrote it quite a while a go and bits have been tweaked again but I never posted it until now because I wasn’t really sure if people were interested in our dynamics or how our relationship works. Twitter poll and fast forward on, here we are. 

I struggle to inflict pain on people I love – I guess it’s because I’m a soft shit. I let people I love walk all over me – now don’t get me wrong I am well able to stand my ground if I feel passionate over something but as a rule, I’m a rug.  I also majorly struggle with inflicting pain – physically as well as mentally on my OH. I go out of my way to keep him pleased. I’m naturally submissive. I enjoy submitting to him. 

I live to serve him, please him and keep him happy. 

A while back he suggested I Top. I pretended I didn’t hear him and then it ate away at me until I brought the subject up again. Here’s a flashback to our experiences.

 

 

A memory that sticks out so well to me is the second time my OH requested I top. Well,  it was more of a training session I guess and it’s so vivid. Thinking out loud here – I can’t actually remember the first. I know it happened as I wrote it in my notes but my memory seems to have blanked it out. Anyway, back to the second time… I had laid out a few impact items – a tame enough paddle,  my favourite crop and cane, some bondage tape, a gag and a blindfold. Nothing too scary. As well as all that, I had a wand, massage candles, a feather and also some bondage candles.

 

 

I wanted to create a night full of sensory overload – one I could test out various items to see how reacted and things I felt comfortable using. 

 

I picked up a crop and with mild force, it went thwack against my OH’s left butt cheek. No reaction from him, I upped the force. Still nothing, I opted to try the cane. Again, mild force to slightly higher, I finally got the acknowledgement I was looking for however, shock and surprise filled me as he picked up the crop and explained his masochistic streak was in fact stronger than I realised and proceeded to beat his back, thighs and anywhere else he could get a whack at – with force. 

I sat there amazed – pretty certain my mouth opened wide enough to catch flies. He explained he wanted to show me that I shouldn’t be afraid of hurting him because it would take a fair beating to do so.

Next, I was to learn to use a crop correctly.  Pressure, angle, force – it’s an art. And, it took me a while of whacking him as well as my myself to understand that it’s not just about all those – where you hold it matters, how the skin is prepared first and most importantly, communication. 

I really can’t stress how important communication.

 

All the basics were in place. I still struggled. Even now, over a year on,  I still struggle. It’s all about the mind and learning to train myself that ‘this is OK’; ‘I have his consent’; ‘He enjoys this – I am pleasing him’. I guess that’s a bit of a pep talk with myself typing that. 

Hidden behind a veil of pretence is a scared submissive/switch – a wannabe Domme rearing to go. I know it would change the dynamics of our relationship greatly. I know he gets his release out on me maybe letting go and releasing myself might be good for me? Fuck – I think it would be great for me.  Right now, I usually opt for lingerie to achieve the Domme look. Though, I need more practice if I’m honest. Fuck – I need a ton more practice. I feel the anxiety kick in as I type that.

He keeps mentioning if I’ll Top him again – I want to. But *whispers* I’m scared. What if I hurt him and it puts him off? Or worse, he loves it too much and wants me to Top more and I never get my subby ass cheeks whacked again. *shocked face*  

Fast forward on… I’ve a catsuit, really epic pair of Domme looking knee high boots and a stunning evil pair of vampire gloves in my possession…. I am wanting to try – will I succeed? So watch this space for part #2.

 

If interested you can find my very first BDSM intro post here.

 

lsb

You may also like

6 comments

fridayam April 20, 2017 - 9:16 pm

This is a really lovely piece in which I can feel your conflicting emotions 😉 x

Reply
LSB April 20, 2017 - 9:44 pm

Thanks hun. It is rather conflicting isn’t it?! Lol. It’s more or less a pep talk with myself telling me I can do this xD x

Reply
John Brownstone April 21, 2017 - 10:25 am

Even those of us D types have those conflicting emotions. Some days more then others it can be a battle of the mind.

Reply
LSB April 21, 2017 - 2:48 pm

Totally understand those feels – though when it comes to me submitting, I never question it.

Reply
Indie Byrd November 22, 2017 - 8:12 am

Fascinating keen to read the next post.
Indie

Reply
LSB November 22, 2017 - 3:20 pm

<3 I plan to write more on this after Christmas. I just haven’t been as active recently – like is manic. But after Christmas , we’ll will have more time for each other 🙂

Reply

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

Privacy & Cookies Policy